


I can't do this anymore...

by Blood_Bunii



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Break Up, Crying, Established Relationship, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Fear, M/M, One Shot, Toxic Relationship, anger issues, does that count as angst?, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29488797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blood_Bunii/pseuds/Blood_Bunii
Summary: I'm bad at summaries so ugh hopefully the actual fic is good?
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 10





	I can't do this anymore...

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this is inspired by a TikTok audio. I don't remember who it's by but I'll try and find it.

Sirius Black was known for having pretty bad anger issues. Even the smallest thing would set him off sometimes. Everyone hated it, especially his boyfriend.

Remus Lupin had always been the quiet one of the group, calm, collected, keeping the other boys in line. Except Sirius. When Sirius got into one of his moods, nothing would calm him down.

Loud noises terrified the werewolf. He wasn't sure what it was about them but they made him panic. Hearing people shouting was worse. He was always worried they were shouting at him. 

When Sirius got into a fight or a screaming match with someone, it took everything in Remus' power to keep himself standing by his boyfriend's side. Sirius had yelled at him on multiple occasions and he knew that it would be worse if he ran away. 

As much as it pained him to admit it, he still loved the Animagus. Despite the fear the other boy caused, Remus was head over heels in love with him. But he didn't know how much longer he could stay with him.

Most of Hogwarts, especially the Slytherins, knew what a bully Sirius could be sometimes. He never hesitated to hex or punch anyone that crossed him. 

Whispers in the hallway fell silent whenever Sirius passed, students dashing past so they wouldn't get caught by him. Not even Peeves dared mess with Sirius. 

"He's just like his parents."

The whispers started again the second Sirius was out of sight, most students breathing a sigh of relief. 

As much as Sirius claimed to love him, Remus couldn't believe him. Not anymore. They got into fights almost every day, over stupid things like Remus not letting the other boy copy his homework.

Remus was always on edge around his boyfriend. He hardly ever stopped shaking and only let himself cry when he managed to get a moment away from Sirius.

Only one person dared to challenge Sirius.

Severus Snape.

The Slytherin boy couldn't care less about what others had been saying about the Black. Sirius didn't dare hurt him. Not after he found out about Moony's 'furry little problem'. He would deliberately bring it up every chance he got, trying to rile the other boy up even more.

Which is what had caused their current situation. Sirius had Snape pushed against the wall in an abandoned corridor, wand pushed against the Slytherin's throat. Remus was stood next to Sirius, but not too close.

"Say that again. I fucking dare you" Sirius spat. Snape's eyes glinted menacingly. "Say what?" he asked with mock innocence, earning himself a punch to the stomach.

Sirius let him drop to the floor and gave him a quick kick in his ribs for good measure. "Keep Moony's name out of your disgusting mouth if you know what's good for you" he growled, pointing his wand at Snape, who was now standing up again.

Snape let out a small huff. "As if i want anything to do with that freak. You flatter yourselves. You think nobody has anything better than to talk about you all day. Well guess what Black? Everyone says you're just like your parents. And they're right. Look at you. Your own pet is quivering. He's terrified of you. Congratulations. You've made the one person dumb enough to put up with you afraid of you. You must feel great about yourself" he sneered.

Remus quickly shook his head when Sirius looked at him, silently asking if it was true. It didn't matter what Remus said, his body language gave him away instantly. He was slowly edging away from Sirius and visibly shaking. His amber eyes were filled with unshed tears and his voice came out in a quiet, terrified squeak when he finally spoke. "I-I'm not scared of you. You're my... my boyfriend. Wh-why would I be scared of you?" he asked.

The corridor fell silent and Snape took that as a chance to run away. Sirius turned to properly look at his boyfriend and Remus quickly took a step back.

"Oh for fuck's sake! If you're scared of me just tell me. Don't be a fucking pussy about it!" Sirius yelled, running a hand through his hair. He frowned when Remus flinched.

"Would you please stop yelling?" Remus asked quietly. "Please just for once. Merlin, your hands are balled into fists right now and you wonder why I flinch at your touch?"

If he was being perfectly honest, Sirius had never noticed the way Remus pulled away from any sort of affection. He went to say something but Remus continued speaking.

"You get so angry that it blinds you and it scares me that I'm gonna be next" Remus said, voice barely above a whisper. Sirius took a step forward to try and comfort him. "Please don't take another step. I deserve to be with someone who's good-"

"I am good!" Sirius interrupted.

"I deserve to be with someone who's kind."

"I am kind. Aren't I?

"I deserve to not be scared-" "Scared? You're scared of me?" "-that you'll blow up every time we get in a fight."

Sirius could see the tears rolling down Remus' scarred face and his heart broke. He hadn't seen Remus cry since second year when they found out his secret. "Merlin I'm so sorry... I'm just trying to protect you." He hardly noticed when Remus started to talk again.

Remus' hands were shaking and he felt faint. He had no idea what Sirius would do to him so he just kept talking. "You've always been goof enough for me. I don't know what you feel you have to prove. You act like it's everyone else but your greatest villain will only ever be you" he said. He jumped when he saw Sirius hit the wall and he tried to get further away, backing up against the wall. "What?" he heard Sirius growl.

"I know it's easier to be angry than sad but sometimes I wish that I would get hurt really really bad." Remus couldn't give Sirius a chance to speak too much. He knew that once he did, he wouldn't get a chance to talk about this again and he needed Sirius to know how he felt. "Why would you wish for that?" came Sirius' response. Sirius' heart dropped when Remus elaborated and he could feel tears filling his own eyes, threatening to spill.

"Just to see if you would be there for me."

"Moony of course I would."

"Just to see if you would care."

"I love you and I care about you so much. Please believe me. I never meant to make you feel like this" Sirius was almost pleading, hoping that Remus wouldn't leave.

Even Remus' quiet voice, just a whisper now, sounded extremely loud in the silent hallway. Sirius' thoughts were racing and he could hear his heart pounding. "And the fact that I'm not sure..."

Sirius quickly pulled Remus into a tight hug but the werewolf just stood there for a few seconds before pushing Sirius away. "...Means I can't do this anymore" he said before walking away, leaving Sirius alone in the hallway. 

He was in complete silence other than his quiet sobs and begs for Remus to come back, even though there was no chance he would hear.

"Remus... Please come back..."


End file.
